🚀 go-pugleaf

"Bill Evans"  wrote in message
news:news.Tue.20151229.053848.PST.1277@mariposabill.com...
> "Will Dockery" <will_d...@outlook.com> wrote:
>
>> Skirt of Printed Sunflowers
>
>> under the skirts of printed sunflowers.
> in a skirt of printed pastel sunflowers.
> you and your skirt of bright printed sunflowers.
>> in your skirt of printed sunflowers.
>
> What's distracting to this unpracticed poetry reader is that
> in these four lines you have three different descriptions of
> the skirt of printed sunflowers.  So I slow down and ask
> myself: why?  It would seem to sing more if you removed
> "pastel" and "bright".  But you must have a reason for
> putting those words in there.  I'm curious.  What is that
> reason?

Hello Bill, I've got to run for a while today, but here's a later version of
this poem done in a stage production with music, that shows how the words
you mentioned are finally discarded:

The Ride (Combat Zone) / Will Dockery
https://www.reverbnation.com/artist/video/13999554


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Bill Evans / Box 1224 / Mariposa, CA 95338 / (209)742-4720
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